IMPERFECTION
masterlist//rules//request
Pairing:High School Student! Huang Renjun X Female!Reader
Genre: Angst to Fluff
Word Count: 3.2K+
Summary:『 Even in a crowd, I can easily find you because only you would have that certain glow around you. 』- NCT DREAM; La La Love
🌕🌙💫🌕🌙💫🌕🌙💫🌕🌙💫🌕🌙💫
Truth be told, you loved the beach.
Blue skies, clear waters, calm waves, warm sunlight— there was definitely nothing wrong with the beach.
Today though, as much as you wanted to go and the more you seemed to stare at your reflection in the mirror, the more you were convinced otherwise.You clicked your tongue in disgust at the sight of yourself, your hands briefly running over the skin of your stomach, legs, and thighs.
There is no way in hell you were going to go out with this body and wear the cute bikini you bought in front of Renjun of all people. You weren’t even being modest about this. You were completely terrified at the idea of him seeing your imperfections. Your scars, stretch marks, body fat showing in all the completely wrong places.
Even with that, the thought of skipping out on your best friend-slash-crush’s invitation and his face contorting into disappointment once he hears your sudden decision just keeps slipping in, making it harder for you to decide if you actually want to go. He was seriously persistent about it, too.
Maybe he’d be different? Maybe he wouldn’t care? You thought to yourself. But what if he wasn’t? What if he was like them?
Even if you practically knew Renjun since birth, it wasn’t as if you would know every little thing going through that Moomin-obsessed head of his.
That boy was pure, like Christ, bless himand his cute fluffy honey brown hair but sometimes the words that come out of his mouth are just so lethalyou could barely even tell if he was the same person. The literal definition of a wolf in sheep’s clothing. The wolf part usually comes out, especially when you’re around so you have a hard time believing people when they say that Renjun is such an angel.
The moment you heard your phone ring, you rolled your eyes at the screen after you saw who was calling.
📞📞injun is calling📞📞
Speak of the devil, you thought. You tapped the screen to accept the call and place him on speaker.
“What?” You asked, placing your phone on your dresser.
“So?” you heard him ask. “Are you finally prepping for tomorrow?”
“Yeah?” You asked, questioning his intent. “Why? Do you need help packing or something?”
“Nope. I’m all done,” he says rather confidently. “Just checking to make sure you haven’t slept ‘til noon and forgotten about tomorrow.”
“Hey! I can be responsible when I want to!” You say incredulously.
“Whatever makes you push through with life, (Y/N). Tell that to me and your procrastination habits,” he casually remarks through the line. You see what you have to deal with right now?
“But, really, you’re gonna go, right?” He asks, the tone of his voice beginning to lace with concern. “I don’t want you skipping out like the last beach hangout we were supposed to have because you got sick.”
“I can’t help that my body would get sick!” You groaned. “Stop picking on me!”
“Just making sure, (Y/N),” he says. “I don’t want to have to wait outside your house for an hour to hear from your mom that you got sick tomorrow, okay? Rest up early today and eat something tonight.”
You bit your lip at the thought. Your last resort was practically figured out.
“Yah. (Y/N), answer,” Renjun asserted through the phone.
You roll your eyes and lightly laughed at his tone. “Yes, Mrs. Huang,” you teased. “Jesus, it’s like you’re my mom.”
“Don’t give me that tone, young lady!” He haughtily commands, as if to pretend to be the naggy mother you’d see in those dramas you watch together. He always knew how to make you crack a grin on your face.
“Alright! Alright! Now gimme some space,” you exclaimed. “Geez, what do I pack for tomorrow to make Injun shut the hell up...”
“You better not think about it if you want to live the rest of your miserable life peacefully,” Renjun playfully warned. “I’ll drop by your place tomorrow, okay? 6:00AM! Doyoung-hyung’s gonna bring us there. See ya!”
The moment the call ended, you sighed in relief. Just talking to Renjun takes out literally half your soul.But... honestly, a huge part of you screamed that you were thankful for his call... He was making sure you were coming—
Okay, fuck all that. Don’t overthink it because of your stupid crush on him. You’ve made that mistake before, you’re not gonna make it again, either. Of course, he’d be pissed if you skipped out on his invitation.
“What-fucking-ever.”
🕒🕒🕒🕒🕒🕒🕒🕒🕒🕒🕒🕒🕒🕒🕒
“... Aren’t you hot in that?” Renjun asked, staring at your figure as you got out of the car wearing an oversized long-sleeved shirt over your bikini. “That thick thing is ruining the idea of enjoying the summer heat.”
“Injun, I’m gonna get sunburnt, anyway, so let me wear what I want!” You huffed, walking with him onto the sand. Oh gosh, the sand felt so nice between your toes, you casually thought to yourself, removing your sandals to revel in the feeling.
“You’re gonna die of heatstroke today, you crazy woman. I doubt you’ll live with that thing” he says in exasperation, setting up a mat and umbrella just for the two of you. “If you’re worried about getting sunburnt, then just put on some sunscreen! Just take the damn thing off.”
“Yes, mum,” you say, placing your stuff on the mat and giggling as you look up to see his face that spoke ‘I am so done with you.’
‘Maybe it really was okay to wear it in front of him? Who were you kidding? You were just probably overreacting,’ you thought to yourself, slowly stripping off the long shirt and wrapping the sleeves around your waist.
“Is that you, (Y/N)?”A familiar voice caught you off-guard.The moment you turned over, your heart sunk.
“Jin Soo...” the name escaped your lips and Renjun’s guard rose up, seeing the male move to you.This rather good-looking guy may be decent to others, but he was notorious in his book. Not after what he’s done to you years ago.
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“Sorry but... you’re not exactly my type...”
Your eyes froze in horror at the statement. “Wait... what do you mean?”
“I mean... I go for pretty and skinny girls... Like maybe your friend Lisa from the other section and the thing is... you’re not like any of them. Have you even bothered to take care of your face or your figure?“ he asked shamelessly. “Jeez, I even wonder how Renjun’s stuck with you...”
You found it hard to speak. You wanted to get angry. You wanted to hit him. Your heart is racing, desperate for some sort of reason to take back what he said but for some reason, the words that came out of your mouth were nothing but desperate pleas.“Listen, I-I’ll try to be more careful about my skin,” you blubber out. “I-I’ll try to lose weight. Maybe learn about makeup from Lisa and Jin. Please just—”
“Look. I won’t have feelings for you any time soon nor am I interested in dating you...” He tries to emphasize once again, placing his phone in his back pocket.
“But... I thought you said...” your voice got quiet, your hands falling to the side as if losing the energy to grip the hem of your school skirt. “You said you liked me...” you tried to fight the tears stinging the back of your eyes.
“Look, I was only trying to be nice to you, okay? You were the new girl in class and you had a hard time adjusting,” He says, rubbing the back of his head in frustration. “There’s a difference. Don’t fucking overthink every god damn thing I do. Your head’s all up in the clouds. Just forget it.”
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You gulped, trying to avoid any eye contact with him. “What do you want?”
“What? It’s been a while since I last saw you, right? Nothing wrong with saying hello now is there?” Jin Soo looked at you and shrugged.
His gaze lingered on your figure for a while and it made you uncomfortable, your fingers beginning to fiddle with the sleeves of your long shirt. Jin Soo must have noticed because he shifted his gaze over to Renjun.
He gestured to him. “So... I’m guessing he’s your new boyfriend?” He asked, lightly scoffing at the sight of you two together. You fidgeted, looking to Renjun and back.
“O-Oh no... W-We’re not like that,” you tried to explain but he just looks at you with derision, scoff just escaping his lips.
“So love is blind, after all,” he states out loud.Renjun furrowed his brows, biting his lip at the atrocity of the guy in front of him. He leans over to hand over a bill and tell you to go buy some ice cream.Boy, you were glad that he actually did.You nodded slowly, taking your shirt and slipping it over your bikini-clad torso again before moving walking away. You did notwant that guy and, most of all, Renjun, to see you cry.
Even as you walked slowly, you could hear Jin Soo laughing in disbelief. “Dude, I mean, no offense but,” he sideglances as if looking for anyone who could possibly walk in on their conversation for a bit before looking back to him. “Didn’t that hot girl in your class invite you for a beach date the other day, too? Did your tastes downgrade or something? I thought you said you liked girls like...”
You lowered your head and bit your lip as he kept talking, the distance between each step you took getting larger. You shouldn’t have come. You should have just listened to yourself and stayed at home. Why, by any chances, did you even think that you could have a chance of standing next to him?
You stopped in your tracks. Why were you standing next to him?
You looked to Renjun who was rather deep in his thoughts as he continued to endure listening to Jin Soo. There was absolutely no reason for him to invite you out. He has other friends who he can dedicate his free time to. Girls who were prettier, more active, more responsible, skilled, and kinder in comparison to you, were practically begging to be in your position. Girls who were less of an imperfection as compared to you.
It would have been more understandable if he did leave. It would have made everyone happier. It would have made Renjun happier...
You turned away, your breathing getting heavy. Just the thought of Renjun being with someone else brought a bitter taste to your mouth. It made your chest ache and sink to your stomach. Maybe it was the jealousy that came along with being the childhood friend but you knew very well that it was far more than that.
Your feet brought you to a rather far side of the beach where long boats lined up and rested stably on the sand. Sitting yourself down behind one of them, you rest your head on the wooden structure and think, looking to the bill that Renjun gave for you to buy ice cream with. Well, it looked like it was enough for a one-way trip back home. You could go back, get your stuff, and-- actually, nevermind. Scratch your stuff. Scratch going back. You didn’t want to see Renjun. You’d definitely cry the second you see him.
“Christ, this is the worst...” you huffed out, the tears slowly rolling out as you slapped away some sand in frustration. Look at you, you even cry at the thought of him. How pathetic. You looked hugged your knees to yourself, resting your head on your arms. You looked at your body. It all started with your body. God, as if you didn’t feel any insecurity about your body.
You remembered the countless times you’ve compared yourself to the models and idols being shown on screen. How nothing you were compared to those perfect beings. You remembered all the work-out routines that never made it to the end, the rather expensive skin-care products you’ve gotten in secret but never seemed to work, and even all the countless times you’ve actuallyconsidered the thought of getting some sort of plastic surgery.
Should you have pushed through with them a long time ago? Maybe you should have. Maybe then, none of those people would have anything to say about your body anymore. Maybe... Just maybe... Renjun wouldn’t have to feel so ashamed just having you by his side.
“You...
Even until now, you still suck at hiding from me.”
You look up from your position to see Renjun, a rather playful smile dancing upon his lips as he stands before you before he sits down, cross-legged across your position.
You bitterly laugh, trying to wipe away the tears on the long sleeve of your shirt. “Even until now, you still know exactly how to find me... I must be pretty stupid if I can’t even merely hide from you.”
He shakes his head.“As if you can. Maybe you can from others, but never ever from me,” he says, leaning back so his hands rest on the sand.
You bite your lip, sniffling as you look to him, searching for any hint of sincerity in his face. “Why?”
“Because I know you just that much, (Y/N),” he says upfront, looking to you with those bright brown eyes of his.“We’ve been stuck at the hip since we were born. How could I notknow every damn thing about you?”
“You didn’t have to stick with me for that long,” you say, pursing your lips into a tight line and avoiding his gaze.“It could have done you less burden...”
He leans forward and rests his elbows on the edges of his knees, looking at your face. He takes your face in his hands and makes you face him, your face brightly flushing at the sight of his face being so close.“Sticking with you for more than ten years was my choice,” he says, his voice serious.“I would do it for a lifetime even if I had to choose among a sea of people.”
Your tears begin to pour out, the salty beads dampening the pads Renjun’s fingers.“I’m telling you that you didn’t have to!” you try to emphasize with every breath you take in, hitting his shoulder with each word you say.“There’s a ton of girls who are prettier and so much better than I could ever hope to be. Why can’t you just go with them?”
“Do you want me to?” he asks, looking at you.“Look me in the eye and tell me word for word that you don’t want to be with me anymore. If you can at least manage to tell me that, then I will seriously do it.”
You took a deep breath and looked him in the eye.“I...” you spoke out, trying not to let your stubborn will get wavered. You were not going to stand next to him anymore. He was going to be much happier without you... You sobbed at the thought. It was hard. You couldn’t imagine a life where you weren’t going to be at his side anymore. It hurt more at the thought of him spending the next years of his life with someone else.
“I can’t...” You shook your head as you wept.
Renjun sighed, a small smile on his face as he scoots over and pulls you into his embrace.“Knew it...” he mutters to himself, kissing the top of your head gently as you hiccuped with each whimper.“You’re such an idiot, you know?” he says, running his digits through your hair.“Don’t go on thinking that I’d be happy without you. If you can’t handle it, then what more for me? I’ve been in love with you for years and you tell me to step away from you? You’re the worst!”
Your eyes widen, immediately pulling away from his touch.“What did you say?”
"What? You’re the worst?” he asked, a playful laugh escaping his lips.
“Say it!” you whine.“The one before that!”
He looks away from you, rubbing his hair before he looks back at your pleading eyes. He sighs again, his face flushing at the sight of you.“I’ve been in love with you for years...” he says, his voice lower than a whisper.“Happy now?”
How many times was this guy gonna make you cry today? Because, gods, you are crying again, leaning your head on his shoulder.
“Stop crying! I’m trying to comfort you here!” Renjun says, pulling you away from his shoulder and using his thumbs to gently wipe off the tears on your cheeks.“Do you hate me so much that you’re crying? If that’s the case, then Ishould be the one crying. Not you.”
You laugh through your hiccups, shaking your head as he does so.“I just love you so much I even cried when you said that...” you say, leaning your head comfortably on his shoulder again.“I thought that you wouldn’t love me back...”
“Why? Because there’re others who you think are better than you?” Renjun asks softly, earning a small nod from you. He shakes his head before leaning over to kiss your forehead. “Don’t think that. The tiniest bits of you that you hate, I’ve loved about you for a long time. So don’t you dare say that those parts of you are ugly, okay? I’ll shove a mirror in your face just to show you.”
You laughed softly and hit his chest playfully.“Okay, fine... I’ll try...” you say aloud.“Just for you, okay?”
“You better,” he warns with a rather playful tone.“Anyone who says talks shit to you will have to go through me. My god, my one and only chance to enjoy the beach with you got ruined ‘cause of that rat. I’ll hit him next time I see him in school.”
A giggle escapes your lips once again. “Don’t...” you say, sighing contently in his embrace, as you feel his hands fiddle with the edges of your hair.“He doesn’t deserve even your attention.”
“Fine... ” he sighs again, letting the soft sounds of the waves hitting the shore relax you both.“If ever you do think about stuff like that again, though, don’t hesitate to talk to me... I’ll tell you about how much more beautiful you are for days...”
“Alright, Renjun...” you affirm him gently.“Lemme do the same for you, okay?” you say gently as you slowly intertwine your fingers with his. Hearing his “okay,” you feel his lips touch your forehead again with a small smile.
You definitely loved the beach. Even if you were asked to choose between the shallow end of the pool and the ocean, you’d definitely choose the latter. There was nothing to hate about it. Well, sure, there were definitely times you may have gotten a few bad experiences. Maybe a little sunburn here and there. Maybe a few rainy days.
You subtly looked up to see how sunlight shone through his fluffy honey brown hair before you smiled to yourself. Maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea to come, after all.
-END-
A/N: To the anon who requested for this, I AM SO SORRY FOR THIS TO TAKE SO LONG.Also, sure! you shall be Ren-chan the Renjun anon! Because this is probably the first time I’ve ever gotten a request about Renjun? ;;V;; The boy needs to have more requests. Plus, I like writing about his rather straightforward side. It was so refreshing~ If I wrote him to OOC, please hit me hard qwq
